Let’s start off with the following: none of my posts are sponsored by anyone or anything. Only a fool would sponsor me to tell bad puns and write footnotes about how great my wife is.* However, should any rich fool wish to sponsor me, I have only the morals I can afford. Hit me up.
Anyway, the main reason for this disclaimer is that I am going to be plugging the everloving heck out of Merchant Gourmet today, friends.
When I found out about precooked lentils, the heavens parted and it was as though a hand came from the very sky to hand me the tin. I am forever changed. I am therefore all the more delighted by super goddamn fancy precooked lentils; as the name suggests, Merchant Gourmet lentils are fancy AF**, and I was very excited that Isla found them before I did. It shows she’s assimilating.

I used their Puglia Lentils, but they have a stupidly large range of lentils that anyone should feel blessed to have access to. If you want something a little less fancy (which is also a lot cheaper and more accessible), just drain some tinned green lentils and add a little garlic & oil when you heat them through.
Fancy is a state of mind.

Cheats’ Lentils with Spicy Roasted Cauliflower (Vegan, Gluten-free)
Serves 2
Preparation time: 5 minutes
Cooking time: 20 minutes
Equipment
Medium frying pan or saucepan; lined/non-stick baking tray; stirry and cutty implements.
Ingredients
- 250g pouch Puglia Lentils with Truffle Infused Oil
- 1/2 head cauliflower (200-250g)
- 1 tsp paprika
- 2 tsp garlic powder (easy to find nowadays – try the Indian section of your supermarket)
- Pinch of chilli flakes (optional)
- 2 tsp vegetable oil
- 1/2 lime, juiced (plus a couple of quarters to decorate if you want)
- Salt & pepper
Method
- Turn the oven to 200 and get started on your cauliflower. Cut your cauliflower into small florets — if you’ve got ready made florets, they tend to be a bit big for this dish, so cut them down to manageable bite-sized chunks. Give them a rinse and pat dry, then get them into your baking tray. Drizzle over the oil then add your paprika, garlic powder, chilli flakes, and a pinch each of salt and pepper. Toss everything together (clean hands are the best tools here) then pop into the oven for 20 minutes, or until softened and nicely coloured.
- Five minutes before you take out the cauliflower, heat the lentils through in a pan with the lime juice & a splash of water (or microwave them, it’s all good), then divide between two bowls — spoon the cauliflower on and around your zingy lentils and dress with the lime wedges (which can be squeezed over everything for a bigger zing).

Yes this is arguably barely a recipe but it’s very very hot outside at the moment; the last thing anybody wants to do is stand in front of a gas hob, sweating their face off. Unless that’s what you’re into? No judgement here – only lentils.
Hattie
Do you love lentils as much as I do? I mean, I doubt it, but if you think you might be close, why not try one of my other lentil recipes? I was going to say ‘what’s the worst that could happen’ but I know my own track record.
- Easy Cheesy Lentil Lasagne
- Beetroot & Lentil Chimichurri Burgers
- French-Style Lentils with Halloumi
- Smoky Fish & Lentil Winter Stew
**This obviously stands for ‘As [the] French’ – everyone knows the French are super fancy. I promise I’m not swearing on the internet, mum.