This is not a post about how to make cakes good, like what I do*. This is a post about cakes gone by, whose fluffy centres and creamy outsides have long since forged a path through the digestive tracts of my friends and family. Which, when I read it back, sounds kind of gross – so just stick with me here.
I give you ——– cakes what I have made.
Gluten-free Cookies & Cream Cake
A surprise birthday commission for the well-read and tragically Coeliac-suffering Emma, whose conniving sister came to me in April to request a cloyingly sweet GF treat. Honestly… this was one of the best sponges I’ve ever made. I used a regular gluten-free flour blend, but added Thornton’s chocolate liqueur to the batter to keep it moist (a real problem with gluten-free cakes). This gave it the “cookie dough” flavour I was looking for, as well as vastly improving the cake by means of ALCOHOL CONTENT.
Massive props to Hattie Bunting who is a phenomenal baker (seriously, check out This Bunting Bakes), and my sister for coordinating this sneaky cake for my fake birthday[…]
Red Velvet Gypsophila Cake
A rustic wedding cake for John and his brand spanking new husband — congratulations, guys! As long as you enjoyed it, it was more than worth the late night (and evening do-over).
It’s a hit! Stunning, m’dear, thank you xxxx
O.T.T. Chocolate Cake
Why did I make this cake? Why, in my hubris, did I think that anybody required this much chocolate???
Simple. My brother was turning 30 — and what better way to ring in the big three-oh than diving headfirst into a coronary! Three layers of chocolate sponge, sandwiched and covered all over with chocolate buttercream, then drenched in dark chocolate ganache and decorated with… pretty much anything edible I could get my hands on to be honest. I’m pretty sure he liked it, but he’s been in a coma since then so I couldn’t say for sure.
Marrow, Blackberry & Pecan Cake
This is probably one of the classiest cakes I’ve ever made, to be honest – and all because my parents can’t stop growing stuff they’re not going to eat**. Who even eats marrows? NOBODY, THAT’S WHO. Fortunately I am thrifty (sometimes) and managed to rustle up a recipe for marrow cake, which I pepped up with some lemon buttercream, pecans, and a quick blackberry compote. I know ‘moist’ is a dark and terrible word, but this cake was moist as all get-out.
Lemon & Raspberry Cupcakes with Prosecco Buttercream
Now, I don’t want to admit to making my own birthday cupcakes in 2017 for the sole purpose of adding prosecco to the buttercream… but that may well be exactly what happened (unconfirmed).
Fancy-Ass Wedding Cake
An old school friend asked me to make her wedding reception cake, and I was powerless to resist. The jammy bugger got married abroad (the photos were stunning) then did an English reception on her return with her new husband. I can’t remember what all the flavours were, but the top layer was definitely fruit cake, since they wanted to keep it for as long as possible. It turned out really nicely, though I will admit quite readily that I did not make those flowers. I’m a fraud.
(Except the bride was told immediately I hadn’t made the flowers. By me. I refuse to live a lie.)
Wonder Woman Lemon Cake
One of my best and closest friends, Rowena, had a birthday (and subsequent party) not long before my wedding — so of course I had to make a Wonder Woman cake for a person of her grandeur, class, and pizzazz. There was a tiara and a golden lasso, and the realisation that Isla is totally right; the different colours of icing do taste different.
Thanks to everyone who celebrated with me tonight. I had so much fun! Special thanks to Hattie for making my amazing birthday cake!
You are welcome, friend.
There have been more cakes over the years, of course, but these are some of my absolute favourites. I both love and loathe making multi-layered creations, and it’s always a shame when I don’t get a chance to eat them, but we all make sacrifices in the name of art.
*Okay, first of all, this is a twofold reference, and I don’t think anyone will get both. Feel free to surprise me. Secondly, sometimes I make cakes really badly.
**I mean, it was also my mum’s birthday, but that’s by the by.